There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
