Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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