Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
