I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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