she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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