The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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