You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
