if only i could text you this smell
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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