We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
