who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
