oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
dude. I can hear the air.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
