The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
