He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
