I can't breathe out the right side of my face
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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