Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
