Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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