My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
handjob tips. give me some.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
