I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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