doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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