I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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