Pregnant stripper...not hot.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
