Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
