Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
