You really coming over, don't trick.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
