We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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