8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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