i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
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Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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