can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
seriously i just wanna be friends
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ladies don't puke and tell