Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.