omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs