idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now