It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
