oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
