if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I love having hate sex.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
