i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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