If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Come on in and take your pants off
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