Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
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