STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Panties = found
Randomize
