My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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