i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
