I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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