I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
