I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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