mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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