I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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