be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
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Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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