could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
