like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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