He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
