i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
