I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.