I wish I could punch you in the face.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
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I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.