why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO