I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"