Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
