My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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