Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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