I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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