I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
then he tried to convert me to islam
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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