i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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