i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
