is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize