Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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