Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Randomize