I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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